The Celebration and Blessing of a Marriage is and should be a joyful affair. It is one of the high points of our life as before God we take someone to be our spouse. The wedding happens in a context that often presents bewildering details and decisions. This is written in the hope of giving some assistance to those who wish their marriage to be blessed at Epiphany Church as well as some guidance in preserving the focus upon God's blessings for the couple. That focus is ultimately the most important thing of all.

Please read this before your first appointment with the priest. It should answer many of your questions and help you think of others to ask. Our hope at the Episcopal Church of the Epiphany is that your wedding will show both your own personality and the timelessness of God's grace working through our community to bless your marriage.

Christian Marriage Virtually every society we know has felt the need for divine blessings upon marriages. The Christian Church has always agreed with that perception. There is simply a holy dimension to the joining of husband and wife, to the fulfillment they give each other, and to the possibility of new life born to such a union. There is recognition of human inadequacy for such a task, and likewise of God's promise to help us. We come humbly and joyfully to ask for that help.

In the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony two who are separate become "one flesh." These familiar words of the Hebrew Torah (repeated and reinforced by both Jesus and Paul) point to an understanding of the marital relationship that takes a lifetime to explore. The process of becoming "one flesh" is filled with unexpected joys and pains as we discover the wonderful reality that we are no longer alone in the world. We are inseparably united with another, with one who is God's gift to us.

We also discover that the commitment to become "one flesh" is not simply a commitment of bride and groom. God normally speaks through people. We say our vows surrounded by a community that is praying for us, and themselves vowing to support and uphold us in our marriage. Certainly a couple may say "It is our wedding." But just as surely it is the community's wedding. The whole community joins in the prayers for God to make us that which we cannot be alone. God's Spirit joins us as husband and wife.

That is one reason Eucharists are almost always encouraged at weddings. It is appropriate that the first act of husband and wife be to kneel before our Lord and Maker in thanksgiving and humility. It is appropriate that those who prayed with that couple also join in thanksgiving for the gift of grace. It is with this sense of holiness and worship that we at Epiphany share the joy of those who are ready to pledge themselves to each other in Holy Matrimony.

When Do We First Contact Epiphany? As soon as you know you wish to be married, even before you set a date. The Episcopal Church requires at least thirty days notice, but that is rarely sufficient. Counseling must be done and the calendar often fills months in advance. Please make no announcement of your wedding or send any invitations until after your first counseling session with the Rector or clergy approved by the Rector.

Can we have a Wedding during the Season of Lent?  No.  Lent is the penitential season before Easter.  It is a somber time of fasting, prayer and reflection in preparing for the Easter event.  Since weddings are a celebration full of joy, they are not appropriate during the Lenten season.

Must We Be Members Of Epiphany? The Blessing of a Marriage is a community function. Epiphany usually requires that at least one of the couple be a member of Epiphany or in the process of becoming a member. Epiphany needs to be the congregation that you consider "home." Relatives of members are welcomed to be considered for Marriage at Epiphany such as grown children and grand children of current members. Others who are not members of Epiphany, with no familial connection with a member of Epiphany, and do not intend on becoming members of Epiphany, after consultation and approval from the Rector, may have a wedding for a fee of $1000.00. The Rector reserves the right to make exceptions in special cases but they are rare.

What Is The Required Counseling?  The Rector, after initial consultation, will determine the required counseling.  The standard amount is six sessions that are one and a half hours in length. The Rectors goal is to make as certain as possible that a couple understands the commitment they are making before God and to each other.

Does It Matter If One Or Both Of Us Is Divorced? Marriage is always a commitment "until we are parted by death." Yet divorce is common in today's world. The Episcopal Church will consider blessing a second marriage only after the consent of the Bishop is obtained. This means additional counseling, assurance that commitments to children are fulfilled, minimum time after legal divorce, more time in planning, etc. The Bishop must also be convinced that the couple intends for the Episcopal Church to be a part of their marriage. If divorce is in your background, please be sure to mention it to the priest immediately.

May Clergy Other Than Those At Epiphany Participate? Epiphany clergy are in charge of all weddings, but will be happy to work with you in having other clergy assist. The Liturgy will always be from the Book of Common Prayer. Epiphany must invite any other participants, so please consult with the Rector before extending even an informal invitation.

Do All Weddings Include The Eucharist? The Eucharist is a part of the prayers of the community, one of the ways the community joins together in giving thanks for God's grace. This section on Christian Marriage points out that it is the single most important first act a couple can make. Consequently it is always encouraged and all present are always invited to join in receiving. Yet the Eucharist is never mandated, and your priest will discuss this with you.

May We Use Any Music We Wish? Certainly there are guidelines that keep the music focused on the primary focus of the wedding. Couples should confer with the Organist and Choirmaster who plays and coordinates all music at all weddings held at Epiphany.  The fee for the Choir Master is $150.00.  If extra musicians are desired, they must be obtained with the Consent of the Epiphany's Choir Master.

How Do We Plan Flower Decorations? Epiphany is a beautiful church and very little floral decoration is needed. Normally two urns of flowers on each side of the Cross are ample. Flowers are customarily left in the church following the wedding.

What Help Does Epiphany Give Me? The Wedding Coordinator for Epiphany Church is Hope Mauney.  She coordinates all weddings held at Epiphany. The Rector and the Wedding Coordinator will direct both the rehearsal and wedding, consulting with you on all arrangements. They will make sure you are where you need to be. Outside bridal consultants are not needed or allowed at Epiphany.

May We Have Flower Girls And Ring Bearers? Certainly, but be sensitive to their age. Epiphany is a very child friendly church but through our experience the flower girl or ring bearer needs to be at least five years of age.

May We Use A Unity Candle? No, it is not used in The Episcopal Church. Both the Sacraments of Holy Matrimony and of Eucharist express "two becoming one." Additional symbolism dilutes that focus.

What About Photography? When you choose your photographer, please explain that a primary concern is to preserve the atmosphere of worship. During the service itself, photography is restricted to the balcony (video or still; no flashes; time exposures only during singing or times of congregational participation). A photographer may photograph the procession, but the procession will not pause for it.

Photos may be taken before and/or after the ceremony. We suggest that you place a time limit on those following the ceremony as a courtesy to your guests waiting at the reception.  The clergy will always be happy to pose for any pictures in the Church immediately following the service.

Who Chooses Acolytes? Epiphany will assign an acolyte unless you have a special request for someone already trained at Epiphany.

Where Is The Bride's Room? The Parish Hall is normally used as the Brides room. The Wedding Coordinator will insure that the Bride and Bride's maids have ample space and time for preparation before the wedding..

May We Serve Alcohol?  Your wedding deserves full unadulterated attention. It would be a travesty to all concerned if alcohol were allowed to diminish its holiness and beauty. Therefore the Priest may refuse participation in the wedding to anyone who has been drinking.

Is The Parish Hall Available For Receptions? Generally no, the Parish Hall is not large enough to host a wedding reception.  For smaller weddings of less than 50 guests the Parish Hall may be available after consultation with the Rector.

Where Does The Guest Book Belong?  Guests books are most appropriate at the reception, but you may also locate one at the entrance of the Church.

What are the fees for a Wedding at Epiphany?  $150.00 for Choir Master; $150.00 for Epiphany's Wedding Coordinator;  $120 for clean up of Church and Parish Hall.  If you are not a member of Epiphany and the Rector agrees to the wedding, the fee is $1000.00 in addition to the fees listed above                                            

Anything Else? All Epiphany buildings are smoke free; please smoke only outside. We also ask that you refrain from throwing rice, birdseed, or scattering flowers down the center aisle.